Invective for a Spork

I must confess, I hate the spork

contrived by some satanic dork;

I can’t slurp soup, I can’t stab pork,

every bite is too much work.

Its’ useful not as spoon nor fork!

With cheeks a-bleed and tongue a-torque

I hate it so, I hate the spork.

SPORK

1. 1874 – Samuel W. Francis was issued US patent 147,119 for a proto-spork which called for the combined design of a spook, fork and knife.
2. 1907 – George Laramy of Enfield, NH patents (Utility Patent #843,953), a combination fork and spoon table utensil
3. 1908 – US Patent 904,553 for a “cutting spoon” granted to Harry L. McCoy
4. 1909 – “Spork” first recorded in dictionary
5. 1912 – US Patent 1,044,869 for a spoon with tinned edge granted to Frank Emmenegger
6. 1949 – Albert McNeill of Philadelphia invented (Utility Patent #2,473,288) a utensil strikingly similar to the spork, incorporated a knife edge on the handle
7. 1951 – Hyde W. Ballard of Westtown, PA files application with USPO to register “Spork” as a trademark
8. 1970 – Van Brode Milling Company registers SPORK for a combination plastic spoon, fork and knife