Giving the gift of listening.

KEVIN PUFFER·FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2018

I’m sure some folks believe that when they are talking, they are giving someone else the gift of their scintillating knowledge, their sage opinion, or their personal experience, and that may actually often be the case. Other people possess knowledge, opinions, and experiences that we don’t and when they share these commodities with us we benefit from them. We know others don’t have to share information that may, or may not be useful to us, so of course we should try to accept ideas from other people as a gift, even if we feel it is a gift we really don’t care to keep. But I wonder how often we consider that whoever is listening to us speak is also giving us the precious gift of listening. You may realize, as I do, that being heard is a grace, but unfortunately the grace of “listening to understand” is becoming more and more rare. It seems our society has developed a glut of “talking” mouths and a dearth of “listening” ears. But we understand that for social communication to work, there really has to be a 1:1 ratio of talking and listening. The closer we come to achieving this ideal ratio, the better our communication.

When someone takes the time to listen to understand us, they are really giving us the precious gift of their attention. In the Book of James (in The Bible), the author says “ So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” This verse is set within the context of enduring trials and suffering, reminding us that when we are mistreated we should keep our temper calm and our mouths shut, focusing on (and rejoice in) the growth that God is producing through the suffering. But the reach of this sage admonition goes much further than just enduring specific trials; it is also sound advice for daily Christian living. James is not saying communication is perfected when there is much more listening than talking, but rather we are reminded to take intentional steps to be ready listeners at all times, giving others the gift of our attention. Attentive listening lifts society against the prevalent gravity of too many self-indulgent talkers. If you think about it, the best gifts are often those of the rarest commodities, and since listening is much more rare than talking, we give better gifts when we give the gift of attentively listening to the ideas of another person, which is a much more precious gift than when we share our own ideas with them.

But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins."
Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:7-11 (NKJV)

By-the-way, I realize that by reading this note you have been listening to me, and so I thank you very much for your gift of listening.